


ghostin' him

by oliveoilcafe



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Aangst, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bisexual Female Character, Bisexual Female Character of Color, Bisexual Katara (Avatar), Bisexual Suki (Avatar), F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Not Beta Read, Post-Episode: s03e18-21 Sozin's Comet, Post-Finale, but theres only like three lines of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-11
Updated: 2021-02-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:02:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29359959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oliveoilcafe/pseuds/oliveoilcafe
Summary: It's been three years, but nothing has changed.Katara remembers it vividly, she still sees it every time she closes her eyes.***Zuko doesn't live past Sozin's comet. Katara deals with losing him over the course of three years. She will never be over it, but she can move forward.Inspired by ghostin by Ariana Grande
Relationships: Katara/Suki (Avatar), Katara/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 26





	ghostin' him

**Author's Note:**

> I promise to work on my WIP!! I'll try to post a chapter or two of it this week to make up for it, but once I thought of this premise I needed to write it. 
> 
> There is some anti iroh stuff in here but I thin it's warranted considering the circumstances 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!!

It’s been three years, but nothing has changed. 

Katara remembers it vividly, she still sees it every time she closes her eyes. 

Zuko, in his proud glory, jumps in front of a flash of blue light. She screams loud enough that everyone in Ba Sing Se can hear. She reaches, but is stopped again. Desperately, she takes Azula down and runs over to Zuko. His body, white hot with electricity, twitches before her. Somehow, he’s still alive. 

He manages to open his eyes. The look he gives her is pained. Obviously, he’s trying to comfort her, he’s dying and he’s trying to make  _ her _ feel better. 

She tries and tries again to heal him, but with no spirit water, the task is impossible. She tries bending his blood, but her connection to the moon is not strong enough. So she tries regular water again. 

Her hands shake and he takes her hands in one of his, the other still clawing at his chest. His grimace makes tears spill from her eyes. She can’t do this. She can’t help him. Why can’t she help him? Curse Tui and La, even Agni! Just let her heal him! 

His eyes are soft, though the lines of his face are deep with pain. 

“It’s okay, Kat,” he says softly. “It’ll be okay.” 

She sniffs, “Please don’t leave me Zuko! I love you, I love you so much!” 

Zuko smiles sadly at her. “I love you too.” 

Since their field trip they became very close, starting a relationship not long after. It was deep and perfect and good. He was everything she wanted and needed from someone. He lightened her load and pulled her to her feet. He challenged her and she loved him. 

They had talked about what their relationship would be after today. She was gonna help her tribe and he would visit her and write letters whenever he could. After the Fire Nation had settled, they were going to get married. Zuko was always adamant about them waiting until the Fire Nation was peaceful. Katara had taken to asking her to marry him at random times. She would beat him during a spar and she would ask him then. He would come up to her and feed her fruit while she was focusing on something and she would tell him she couldn’t wait and ask to marry her right then and there. 

It was a joke. He would always laugh and kiss her on the forehead or hug her a little tighter. She was never serious, but if he did accept her then, she would marry him in a heartbeat. It was just that kind of love. 

Now, Zuko’s face reflected how it did when she would ask him to marry her. He looked at her like he was seeing her for the very first time, or rather, the very last time. 

“Katara,” he whispered, it was the most noise he could make, “daughter of Chief Hakoda of the Southern Water Tribe, Master Waterbender, and Teacher of the Avatar himself, would you do me the honor of becoming my bride? Will you lie in the same grave with me, Katara?” 

It was not the yuinou he wanted. Zuko wanted a traditional engagement, so Katara and he had talked about it before. They had also discussed how to fit it with her own culture’s traditions. During one of his trips to the South, he was going to learn how to hunt and eventually ask for her father’s permission. Hakoda wanted her to be happy, so she wasn’t all too worried about that part. 

It wasn’t the proposal he wanted, it wasn’t the one he deserved. 

“I don’t like that one,” she whispers. Zuko tried laughing, but it was too painful. 

“Would you wake by my side every morning?” he asks. 

Katara smiles, tears streaming down her face. She hiccups, “Yes, Zuko. I will wake by your side every morning.” 

Zuko coughed. The red of his shirt almost concealed the blood coming out of his throat. Katara ran a hand through his hair, he always loved when she did that. She hopes it’s enough for him. 

“I love you,” he whispers. 

“I love you, too.” 

Zuko closes his eyes. Still smiling, he says, “I have the loveliest betrothed in the world. The spirits will bless our union for years to come.” 

He’s almost gone. The thought almost ruins her. “We can go to the South Pole together.” She can tell he’s listening even though he doesn’t look like it. “I’ll show you all my favorite spots, we can go penguin sledding together. Bato’s gonna love you. So will my father, even though he already does. I’m sure I can get Gran Gran to like you too after a couple days. I can’t wait to see you the first time it snows. There was a blizzard when we were in the North, but that’s not the same. You can come to our solstice festivals and I’ll come to yours. After we’re married, we can split our time between our homes and have children together. A lovely little baby with your eyes, can you imagine it! Zuko?” 

She stops. 

His heart stopped beating. 

He was gone. 

He was dead 

She screams and cries and holds his body to hers. She keeps trying to heal him. As night comes, she tries blood bending to start his heart again, but it doesn’t work. She stays there, sobbing at his side for a long time. No one bothers her, lest they get water in their lungs. She’s inconsolable. Azula’s screams echo her own. Once Azula realized her brother died, she started screaming and hasn’t stopped, but neither has Katara. 

She sobs in his chest when they find her. They were in high spirits from the end of the war, making their way to the Fire Nation the next day, in haste, to celebrate together. They cheer behind her as sobs still wrack her body, though she remains quiet. They don’t even notice something is wrong until Toph stops her tirade of how stupid Ozai is and drops the cup of tea she was holding, shattering it. 

This gives pause to the whole group. Then they hear her crying. Sokka drops his tea as well and races to her side. 

She doesn’t see them, but they see her.

Sokka sees his little sister curled against the body of her boyfriend. His chest has a hole in it and everything smells burned. He looks up to see Azula still trying to scream, but her throat has gone hoarse, she can barely make a sound. 

Behind him, Aang and Suki rush over, then hold their breath. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn’t supposed to die. He was supposed to be the Fire Lord right now, bringer of peace. 

Instead, he remains nothing but a corpse on the floor. 

Tears well up in Sokka’s eyes, but he wills them away, he must stay strong, for Katara. 

He tentatively places a hand on her back. What was supposed to be a comforting gesture only disturbs her further. She wails, loudly. She wails in front of her friends for this boy, the boy Sokka knew she loved. 

It hurts Suki. Seeing Katara in pain always hurt Suki. 

“Katara,” she whispers, “you have to let go.” 

She cries harder. 

Suki shares a look with Sokka and they both nod. He wraps his arms around his sister and pulls her away. 

Katara does not like this. 

“No!” she yells. “No! Zuko, please! I need to save him, I  _ have _ to save him!”

It’s a struggle to get Katara away from Zuko, she screams, cries, kicks, and bends at them in order to get back to him, but they win. They bring her into the palace and find a room for her. 

Once she’s on the bed, she cries herself to sleep. Sokka and Suki sandwich her in the large bed. Toph is still frozen outside, Aang is dealing with her, Zuko, and Azula. 

Hakoda arrives a couple hours later. 

He comes into Katara’s room with a smile on his face. That smile drops at the sight before him. 

Sokka and Suki are still wrapped around his daughter, but she is shaking from silent sobs. She is not sick, she is not injured, but she is in pain. She survived, but she is still a casualty in this war. 

Hakoda moves to her and scoops her in his arms. Katara buries herself in his chest. He looks up, the question he has showing in his eyes. 

“Zuko’s dead,” Sokka says in a low voice. 

All protests from Katara stop. She is not shaking, she is not crying, she isn’t responding. 

Hakoda pulls away from the embrace and pets her hair. Katara’s eyes aren’t on him, they’re unfocused, glassy, and red. 

She is shutting down. Hakoda knows because he went through the same thing, with Kya. 

This pains him more than when she was crying. 

Suki tries to speak to her, but Katara doesn’t answer, she doesn’t even look like she heard. The hurt in Suki’s eyes is immense. 

Katara doesn’t move for two days, she doesn’t speak for longer. She ignores Iroh every time he interacts with her. She blames him. Zuko would have never been in that fight if it weren’t for Iroh. He made Zuko face his powerful sister while he went nowhere close to his brother. 

He’s a hypocrite and a coward. 

Whenever Katara does move, it’s either to Zuko’s old room or to the gardens. 

“The turtle ducks miss him, he was always their favorite,” a servant tells her. Katara believes it to be true. She tries to make it to the pond every single day and she feeds them. They love her. Katara likes to believe they can tell she was important to Zuko. 

She hasn’t told anyone of their engagement. Short as it was, it was real. 

She wants to keep it to herself for a while, or forever. 

The rest of their friends mourn him, out of the other four, Toph has taken it the hardest. Sometimes they sit in his room together. Katara remains silent, Toph doesn’t have anything to say. 

During Iroh’s coronation, she is stationed at the front. She tries her hardest not to hear the proceedings, but she does anyway. She leaves halfway through. She doesn’t see former Prince Iroh until he’s already been the Fire Lord for a week. 

Zuko is cremated. It’s a beautiful ceremony. She cries, as does the rest of her friends and the rest of the world. 

They will not forget him, she will not let them. 

Things get better for the rest of her friends. They are able to make jokes now. They are all sad, but they are happy for moments at a time, eventually those moments become days. Soon, the good days will outweigh the bad. 

She resents them for it. 

When they have to leave the Fire Nation, Katara gets upset. She can’t leave him. They’re supposed to spend the rest of their lives together. 

She’s supposed to wake up every morning by his side. 

She’s supposed to lie in the same grave with him. 

He’s supposed to be alive. 

Tapestries are ruined, courtyards are flooded, but in the end, she still has to go. 

Only Suki and Sokka remain by her side. Aang needs to be the Avatar for the rest of the world and Toph keeps him company, she can’t see on ice anyway. 

Seeing her grandmother again is supposed to be joyous. She’s supposed to run into Gran Gran’s arms and smile. 

That doesn’t happen. She’s a shell of herself when they meet again. 

Katara starts eating again, only because Gran Gran will not have it any other way. She tries to help with reconstruction. 

Suki becomes family. 

Suki is sad, but Suki is happy that Katara is doing a little better. 

When Hakoda has to go back to the Fire Nation for international meetings, he brings his children with him. 

Sokka and Suki sandwich her again as they enter the palace. 

The courtyard has become a garden for Zuko. There’s a statue built for him. 

He looks harsher than she remembers, but that’s also because he was soft for her in a way he never was with anyone else. 

Katara demands that they change the statue. Toph herself is there to help smooth out the harsh lines of his face. By the time they are finished, he is wearing his normal clothes, only the front of his hair is pulled into a top knot with his crown secured around it. She asked him once about the way he wore his hair when he pulled it up. 

He smiled at her as he wrapped a ribbon around his hair. “I don’t know… It’s not in my face or anything like this and the back doesn’t get in the way. I just don’t feel the need.” 

She rolled her eyes and went to stand beside him. His strong arms wrapped around her waist. Katara brushed a chunk of hair away from his face. It wasn’t long enough to get in his eyes, but she liked the motion, and so did he. 

He kissed her then. He kissed her like they had all the time in the world. They did then, until they didn’t. 

Katara mimes the same motion onto his statute now. He is how he was. She misses him more than she thought possible. 

She visits Azula. They are the only ones who really understand each other. Katara doesn’t forgive Azula for killing Zuko, but neither does she. 

They talk, they talk for hours. Azula’s doctors tell her that she’s helping the princesses recover.

Iroh doesn’t visit her. Why would he? He doesn’t care about anyone that isn’t Zuko. Now that he’s gone, the Fire Lord only truly cares for those who care about Zuko. It disgusts her. 

On the one year anniversary, they are in the Fire Nation. Katara finally feels ready to clean out Zuko’s old room. It’s covered in a fine layer of dust. Her and her friends are there to help her. 

She stares out the window for a long time, taking it all in. 

They clean things out. Fire Lord Iroh has an heir arriving in a matter of months and everything in this room needs to be removed. 

“He plans on naming the child Zuko,” Sokka says. 

Katara asks, “What if the child is a girl?” 

“Iroh said he doubted it would be, but they’d call her Zenko.” 

She’s still upset that he was naming his future child after a dead one. Still, Katara combs through his stuff. Everything that was his bags from when they were traveling is there, even some stuff from Ember Island. 

Among the items, she finds a comb, a bracelet, and several pieces of paper. 

The comb is a traditional betrothal gift for his nation. She already had her mothers necklace, so Zuko had started carving a bracelet for her to wear instead. 

The pages vary. One is a list of all the gifts he would have brought to their yuinou. The gifts are usually standard, but Zuko wanted to find gifts that represented their relationship. 

There are also letters. One to each member of Katara’s family. One to her, Sokka, Gran Gran, and Hakoda. She does not read hers, she doesn’t dare. Sokka is upset after reading his. Hakoda even sheds some tears. 

In the moment, Katara lets out a sob and falls to the floor. 

Suki gets to her first. Her eyes widen at the scene. 

“You guys were going to get married,” she asks. 

Katara sniffs. “We were already engaged.”

Aang storms out of the room but no one pays attention. While it was clear to him they were close, he was not aware they were together, never mind engaged. 

Suki holds Katara in her arms for hours. 

It finally gets better. Katara starts to go outside more, she writes letters to Azula, and she grows closer to Suki. 

She’s always been there for Katara. She stayed close even when Katara was making it difficult. 

It’s easy, what they have. It’s not as intense as what she had with Zuko, but she likes it all the same. 

It starts slow, at first she just enjoys Suki’s company. But then she starts to heat up when Suki looks at her. She gets nervous around her and butterflies flap in her belly. 

Katara feels guilty for caring about Suki. She feels it’s a betrayal to Zuko. Why did she get to move on when he doesn’t? 

Eventually she realizes Zuko would want her to be happy more than anything and Suki makes her happy. She’s responsible and fierce. 

The first time Suki kisses her, she feels lighter than she had since Zuko died. 

Katara will often get lost in Suki’s eyes. They were blue, like hers, but if Katara looked close enough, there were flecks of purple and green.

When Suki holds her, she feels as safe as she felt in Zuko’s arms. 

Katara braids Suki’s hair at night and sings soft melodies her mother and grandmother taught her. 

Suki teaches her how to use fans and does her make up sometimes for fun. 

They laugh together, it’s something she hasn’t done since him. 

It’s still hard to say his name. 

It’s been three years, but nothing has changed.

She’s been with Suki for a little over a year now. Sometimes it’s still hard for her. She still hasn’t said his name out loud, maybe she never will. 

Aang got over his tantrum about them. However, he rarely talked to her when she started dating Suki. They fought about it and he flew away again. When he came back, he started trying. 

She could tell it was still a sore spot for him. 

Katara made her way to Caldera with her family sans Gran Gran. They had important work to do at the peace conference again. It was always scheduled around the end of the war. She suspected it was because Fire Lord Iroh needed the distraction. Katara didn’t care. She still hadn’t spoken to him directly. 

There was an uproar when Iroh tried to name his child Zuko. The citizens fought against it. A week after the name was announced, Iroh had to officially change the boy’s name to Kento. It meant ‘cure for sadness.’ She felt bad that that was the name Iroh chose for his son. 

When Katara lied in bed with Suki that night, she was restless. She looked out the window and saw a pond, not unlike the one Zuko loved. 

It wasn’t until after her first trip that she remembered the conversation. 

They had snuck onto the roof one night and held each other. They made up stories, pointed out the constellations, and shared their lives. 

“When I was a kid, I’d go out to the turtle duck pond with my mother. Sometimes Azula would come along too. It was really nice. My fa- Ozai never went into the gardens. He said he didn’t need to concern himself with something so pointless,” he leaned his head against her shoulder. “I think that’s my favorite place in the world. The turtle ducks would eat from the palm of my hand. It tickles- hey, don’t laugh! Kataarraa…” 

She thought about how right he was. It did tickle when they ate straight from your hand. 

Katara cried softly, Suki instinctively held her tighter. 

This happened often. Katara would cry and Suki would hold her until she fell asleep. 

Katara hated herself for putting Suki through this. She was a mess and she thought she might never be not a mess again. But Suki stayed by her side and let Katara set the pace. 

She tried over and over again to pay Suki back in love and kindness. 

When Katara told her this, Suki just smiled at her. “I love you Katara. We don’t have to pay each other with love. This is a hard time, but we’ll get through it together. We love each other, that’s all we need.” 

Katara had thrown herself into Suki’s arms. 

“I love you, Tara,” she said. “And love isn’t about being enough. But either way, you’re more than enough.” 

“I love you so much.” 

“See? That’s all we need.” 

That night she dreamed about Zuko. She dreamed of their wedding day. This also happened sometimes. She never told Suki because she didn’t want to hurt her more. 

Zuko smiled at her. He always did. 

The scene changed, to the one she was in now. But instead of the room Suki and she were assigned, it was his room. Her face was in the crook of his neck and his chin rested on top of her head. 

“As much as I love the South, there’s nothing like Fire Nation weather,” he said. His voice was low and groggy. It must be morning, or so late at night that his voice had changed tone. 

She felt herself answer him, “I have to admit, being able to go outside without a parka on is pretty nice, but your food is way too spicy.” 

His laugh vibrated in his chest, she felt it tingle against her own body. 

“You should go to sleep, you sound tired,” she said. 

Zuko shook his head, she could feel it move against her hair. “It’s a full moon remember, I always stay up with you.” 

“But you’ll be so tired in the morning.” 

“I always stay with you until you get up.” 

“You really don’t have to.”

“Kat, we’ve been married for how long?” 

Her dream self mumbled a number her conscious self couldn’t hear.

“Exactly,” he spoke. “And not once have I ever gotten out of bed before you wake up.” He kissed her head, mouth resting there as he continued. “We agreed to wake up every day by each other’s sides and I intend to keep my promise until the day I die.”

“And what then?” 

“We’ll lie in the same grave.” 

“What about in between that.” 

“Huh?”

She spoke into his chest, “What if you die before I do, or something happens to you I-” 

“Kat-” he soothed. 

“No, really what do I do! What do you want me to do.” 

He sighed. “If I die before you, I want you to be happy. I really mean that, I’m not just saying it. I want you to be happy and have love. If you can’t find that with me, for whatever reason, I want you to find it. You deserve it.” A pause. Another one. A third pause. “And if I do die before you, I want you to still keep our first promise okay? I’m not saying, bring my ashes into your bed or anything-” that was some Katara had done a couple times, “-but I want you to take something that reminds you of me and put it on your bedside table; that way, you can always wake up next to me every morning.” 

“And the grave?” she asked quietly. 

He snorted above her, “Well, I  _ will _ be lonely.” 

She woke up to Suki stirring next to her. 

“Good morning,” she grumbled. The arm Suki threw around her waist tightened so her arm was going up Katara’s back.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Katara said. Suki just groaned and pulled her in for a kiss. It wasn’t long, but it did convey that they were in this for the long haul. 

Katara moved her arms to fit around Suki’s neck. She played with the hair at the nape of her neck. Suki hummed at the action.

“You’re the best girlfriend in the entire world,” Katara said. She had realized she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Suki. 

She smiled, “Yeah, I guess I’m pretty cool.” 

Katara looked into Suki’s eyes. They were slightly stained red from the makeup she wore last night. They had been living between Kyohsi and the Pole since they started dating. They would be staying in Kyoshi for another few months after they left this conference. 

She would learn how they proposed on Kyoshi. 

“Do you want to grow old with me?” she asked. 

Suki choked, “Uh, what?” 

“Do you want to grow old with me?” Katara repeated. 

“Yes,” Suki responded. “I would love to grow old with you.” 

That was all the answer Katara needed for now.

Later, Suki was at a meeting for security around the palace. The Kyoshi warriors were personal guards to the Fire Lord and they had to have re-negotiations every year. Katara, however, had nothing to do for the rest of the day. She searched her bags and room for something that reminded her of her Zuko. Eventually, she found his swords. They were still sheathed and the straps were fitted to his body. 

She placed them by her bedside and slipped a pair of beads out of her bags. They were the ones she wore during the war. She brought them with her to the Fire Nation every year because she always felt a little closer to him with them in her bag. She hasn’t worn them in three years, but still. She had once asked him what he thought of when he thought of her. 

“Definitely the loopsies,” he chuckled. “I could barely recognize you the first time you went without them.” 

She went to Zuko’s final resting place. She hadn’t been there since he first died. She choked back tears as she clutched the beads in her hand. 

“I heard you were lonely.” She sniffed. “I know I haven’t been here in a while, but I wasn’t ready. I missed you so much, I still do, but it’s getting easier. I love you so much and I know you love me. I wish you could hold me just one last time. I read your letter this morning. I know I was never meant to read it, but it made me love you a little bit more if that were even possible. It was the most beautiful speech I’ve ever read, you were always such a sap. I wish you could have read it to me. Oh, what I’d give to hear your voice again. I’m not over you, I don’t think I ever will be, but I’m happy. I’m actually happy with Suki. I’d like to think you were really visiting me last night and you meant what you said. Thank you, for everything. Although it hurts, you’ve given me memories I will hold onto forever. I love you.” 

She placed the beads in front of him. “There,” she said, “so you can wake up by my side every morning.” 

_ I know you hear me when I cry _

_ I try to hold it in the night _

_ While you're sleepin' next to me _

_ But it's your arms that I need this time (This time) _

_ Look at the cards that we've been dealt _

_ If you were anybody else _

_ Probably wouldn't last a day _

_ Every tear's a rain parade from hell (From hell) _

_ Baby, you do it so well _

_ You been so understanding, you been so good _

_ And I'm puttin' you through more than one ever should _

_ And I'm hating myself 'cause you don't want to _

_ Admit that it hurts you _

_ I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again _

_ Over him, mmh _

_ I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again _

_ 'Stead of ghostin' him _

_ We'll get through this, we'll get past this, I'm a girl with _

_ A whole lot of baggage _

_ But I love you, we'll get past this, I'm a girl with _

_ A whole lot of baggage, yeah _

_ Though I wish he were here instead _

_ Don't want that living in your head _

_ He just comes to visit me _

_ When I'm dreaming every now and then (And then) _

_ And after all that we been through (And after all that we been through) _

_ There's so much to look forward to _

_ What was done and what was said _

_ Leave it all here in this bed with you (With you) _

_ Baby, you do it so well _

_ You been so understanding, you been so good _

_ And I'm puttin' you through more than one ever should _

_ And I'm hating myself 'cause you don't want to _

_ Admit that it hurts you, baby _

_ I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again _

_ Over him, mmh _

_ I know that it breaks your heart when I cry again _

_ 'Stead of ghostin' him _

_ We'll get through this, we'll get past this, I'm a girl with _

_ A whole lot of baggage _

_ But I love you, we'll get past this, I'm a girl with _

_ A whole lot of baggage, yeah _

**Author's Note:**

> did you cry? i almost did a couple of times while writing it. 
> 
> let me know what you think and check me out on tumblr @strawberrymilkyumyum
> 
> also check out my long fic - smooth as stone 
> 
> i researched Japanese and Inuit proposals and i tried to create one close to it - but if it's too far off or anything please let me know so i can fix it. 
> 
> i hope you liked it! :)


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